Day Two: South Beach Wine and Food Festival

By Anthony Bourdain on February 23, 2008 10:33 PM | Permalink | 51 Comments

Well ... the Golden Clogs went pretty much as hoped by the Forces of Evil. Under-attended. Coincidence? Or conspiracy? Many of the people who DID show up were either a) drunk or b) seemingly confused. Ruhlman and I raced through our ceremonial duties as quickly as we could--before the little remaining gold paint left on our awards peeled entirely away--and before a good part of the audience realized we were NOT the warm up to "Paula's Poker Party" and that there would be no free fruit cup.

You know, I've mercilessly and enthusiastically made sport of Rocco di Spirito many, many times. I've said--and accused him--of a full menu of truly awful things. Some of them were even true. No matter how bizarre or inexplicable some of his career choices, I always respected him as a gifted cook. He's also--when not flogging frozen products--a thoughtful and insightful judge on Top Chef. But I have to tell you--of ALL the chefs who said they were absolutely, positively, by all means would be DELIGHTED to show up at our travesty of an awards ceremony--at the end of the day, only Rocco and Aaron Sanchez actually made it.Rocco had enough balls and sense of humor about himself to fly out of a snowstorm on an early flight so two miserable pricks who'd done nothing but make fun of him over the years could have him present the "Rocco Award" for "Worst Career Move" to Tyler Florence. Tyler, we were informed at the last minute, encountered a "problem with his calamari for the Bubble Q" and was suddenly needed elsewhere. While on one hand, I was very grateful to Tyler for (at least initially) agreeing to subject himself to our cruel ritual disembowelment, the image of Tyler Florence personally cleaning 500 pounds of squid was difficult to summon. Particularly next to the Sysco truck.I believe Aaron (who has every reason to want to give Ruhlman a kick in the nuts--after the shameful hair-hopper face-off of Next Iron Chef) accepted on Tyler's behalf.

Later, an expansive Mario Batali told us of an e-mail from an FN executive, "thanking him for NOT attending the Clogs." Similar stories filtered back all day. A relieved looking Tyler apologized for missing the gig when we saw him at the Bubble Q thing. "REALLY sorry I missed it, man," he said. "But maybe next year. It's the perfect thing for like 2 O' Clock in the morning--and maybe another venue."

He had the look of a man who just successfully dodged a bullet. And he was, of course, absolutely right about the right time and place for a loud, profane and disrespectful event as ours--only slightly better than a mob of skinheads or crackhead rodeo clowns in the eyes of family friendly outfits like FN and ... Applebees.

Which is why we're doing it all over again today, Saturday, at FIVE PM before the general public. Just me. Ruhlman. And our filthy list of "winners" and Losers--minus all the flattering shit. Yesterday, was the PG version. Today? Apocalypse NOW.

 

Tags: anthony , awards , beach , bourdain , ceremony , channel , clog , festival , florida , food , golden , host , miami , michael , no , reservations , ruhlman , show , south , travel , tv , wine


51 Comments

  1. 1
    Walrus - February 23 2008 @ 11:30 am Hi Tony and fans... I thought you'd all be interested in the interview we have up on our site with Harvey Pekar.. He talks a bit about the episode you did with him in Cleveland, and he really thought you were a great guy... As Harvey is a colossal person, if he said that about you, it must be the truth... The interview is at www.walruscomix.com Hope you enjoy it!!
  2. 2
    Dan Dickinson - February 23 2008 @ 12:30 pm FN executives thanked Mario for not attending the Clogs? Seriously, what's next, the head of Marc Summers put in someone's bed to "send them a message"?
  3. 3
    T.McNerney - February 23 2008 @ 1:16 pm If only I could get a flight down to Miami fast enough. I would be there!
  4. 4
    TRiPP - February 23 2008 @ 2:30 pm Youre the many Anthony!! I just got cable after years of protest and youre practically the only show I watch!! Email me your address PLEASE, so I can send you some free t-shirts from my company TabootArt.com. My e-mail is trippstar@msn.com
  5. 5
    elise - February 23 2008 @ 2:43 pm Tony you are the sexiest man on tv!! i don't care if you are 50 and i am 20 it would work...ha. but killer show man i hate tv but my friend introduced me to you and now i'm hooked!
  6. 6
    Chesh - February 23 2008 @ 3:14 pm Profanity, beaches and alchohol - So many reason I wish I could be in Miami... I am realy enjoying Ruhlman's "Reach of A Chef" too. With two such talented writers presenting does the audience need to bring a thesaurus?
  7. 7
    Jennifer - February 23 2008 @ 3:45 pm Oh Tony... please please please don't ever change. We people out here in the dark need you.
  8. 8
    Tom - February 23 2008 @ 4:09 pm Frankly I do have some reservations. Actually I don't but God that's funny.
  9. 9
    Ken - February 23 2008 @ 4:17 pm I'd love to read that exec email. And great Tony that you smoked them out of their lair -- imagine the fear and paranoia that reined briefly o'er FN's offices that day - hysterical! Based on the makeup of FN's "stars" and "travel shows", why don't they just be honest and rename themselves "The White Food Network"? Apparently they think the world is flat, consisting of but 4 countries: The United States of America, The Confederate States of America, Italy, and Italy. (Oh and did I say Italy?).
  10. 10
    june-baby - February 23 2008 @ 5:23 pm Hey Tony, the second time around will be the charm when the word gets out you are going to do a snarkier version of the Golden Cloggies your peeps will come out of the wood work HA HA. Don't forget to video tape the second round of the Golden Clog Awards, because this one will even be better and wilder than the first one. "SNIFF", I wish I could be there oh well maybe next year. BTW read the blog about this shing ding over at Eater. I saw the picture of you and Ruhlman that was taken all I want to know is why did you and Ruhlman wear a similar outfit? The two of you could of p%#@ed off as TWINS seperated at birth (LOL).
  11. 11
    Nicole M - February 23 2008 @ 11:49 pm I have all new respect for Rocco - what a ballsy move! Well done!! FN sucks, plain and simple. If it weren't for Iron Chef nd Top Chef (and now A Cook's Tour, of course - even if it is only a pale shade of the snark we are treated to on No Reservations) no one would bother to watch it. Still, that sort of nazi-like control is amazing.
  12. 12
    SassyLashes - February 24 2008 @ 2:26 am Hey Tony,looking for comment's when you were down in New Orleans,what's the deal,man??
  13. 13
    Zhao Z. Chen - February 24 2008 @ 5:58 am Hey, Tony. Travel alone is lonely. You should get a girlfriend.
  14. 14
    Diana - February 24 2008 @ 9:05 am 5pm today - tell me where and I'll gather a crowd for some fun in the sun! Look forward to buying you guys drinks to celebrate. Hope you're enjoying my backyard this weekend.
  15. 15
    Karen S - February 24 2008 @ 9:54 am Tony, As we are constantly flooded with mundane reality TV, it's nice to know that at 10:00 on Monday nights, I can actually learn something about a different culture and as an extra added bonus, have some great sarcasm thrown in. Your references to cow tipping, mind altering experiences and the ever popular "Freebird" remind me of my college days in Upstate New York. I'll be headed into Manhattan in two weeks (Alas, I live in Suburbia Hell that is Long Island), and the best part of the trip will be choosing where to eat. Love the show, keep up the snarkiness. By the way, Papaya Dog was great.
  16. 16
    McKenna - February 24 2008 @ 3:50 pm Ironic your in South Beach....when flipping through channels I accidentally landed on whatshername, Racheal Big Butt. She was in Miami and is so stupid that she did a segment on Stone Crabs--problem was fat !@#$ was eating BLUE CRABS!! Those of us with a clue can appreciate how pathetic this is for a 'food person.' I would love to see that big butt get pinched by a real Stone Crab...probably one of the only ways she would admit to herself how bad she is at what she does.... Did you know Joe from Joe's Stone Crab was the first person to ever eat one? If you have seen one underwater, he must have been pretty hungry because they are aggressive with HUGE claws that will tear you up. Great show Tony...love your personality. What I want to know is where did your excellent vocab come from with you having been in the kitchen all these years? Impressive.
  17. 17
    Chris n TJ - February 24 2008 @ 4:22 pm My take is that the all the forces working against you and Ruhlman only give you guys more street cred. This wasn't a sellout event...Rocco stepped up, Mario exposed the FN execs has gutless shills. Anyone who has ever worked cold side, stocked the bread warmer, washed dishes til their skin pealed, manned the grill or has done serious self injury while filleting a whole tuna, should appreciate the fact that this was first and foremost, about The Kitchen. Next year, don't change a thing, except maybe adding a webcam. Those of us who know and love, will be there. Cheers Tony!
  18. 18
    Jane - February 24 2008 @ 4:49 pm Ignore Elise, she's much too young for you!
  19. 19
    Judy - February 24 2008 @ 5:47 pm Hey Tony! As seems to be the repetative theme I am not a big fan of television. I do however watch your show religiously. I love the complete honesty of it. Very real!!!! It's a show for the real world. I do however have a suggestion. Come to Maine! My state of birth and home is such an incredible place to visit. The food is amazing and becoming more diverse with each year and each new person who is not endemic to Maine. It's a curious site to see the older natives resist the new movement. ;o) Lobsta is better in Maine than anywhere in the world Tony! The natural resourses can not be beat. My suggestion though is to come in the Summer. Much warmer and more attractions are open. There are a lot of seasonal restaurants in this great state that would otherwise be unavailable in the winter. Think about it. Many thanks for all your entertainment. It brings realism to my world.
  20. 20
    DIAMOND DANCER - February 25 2008 @ 12:29 pm TONY ! HEY ! I HAVE FRIENDS UP WHERE YOU COME FROM IN NJ! ESPECIALLY AT HALOWEEN TIME---THEY OWN A TELECOMMUNICATION BUSINESS: DUNRITE SITES ! "MADNESS ON MEADOW LANE" !WE'RE WAITING HERE ON THE CLIFFS OF THE EASTERN SHORE OF MARYLAND! VERY SCENIC SHORES---ALOT OF MARYLAND BLUE CLAW, ROCK FISH AND REMINGTON DUCK RECIPES WAITING FOR YOU ! DIAMOND DANCER---SKINNERS NECK, ROCK HALL !
  21. 21
    Tom - February 25 2008 @ 10:24 pm First go to Maine then to Maryland? I am getting all goosepimply. What's next Queens?
  22. 22
    Melissa - February 26 2008 @ 1:08 am I was at your free for all on Saturday at the Festival. You were great. I love how real and in your face you are. I love when idiots asked you questions you were like," Have you ever watched my f----- show? HAHAHAHA "Have you ever read my book?" You rocked this weekend. I met a lot of people and you were the best. Love your No Reservations Book. I finished it on the plane. Love all the pics. Your crew rocks!!
  23. 23
    Annonymous - February 26 2008 @ 2:41 am Shame on you, Mister Anthony, “IDIOT”!! You made a trip to one of the most exiting culinary cultures and you took a no-educated not Romanian guide, that show you the lowest of the low of the society that even him did not like! I am terribly sorry for you lack of sense and lack of traveler spirit and sense and finding the right people to travel with, in a country that was for 3000 years in between so many cultures and Empires and worlds that left the best: FOOD. Nobody talk with "Comrades" in Romania is fake and stupid! You are just made fun of yourself! It seams that even your self did not like this guy! You could have had so much good time! And learn so much more! You where in Romania with a Russian? Go to Russia with a Russian! To your reputation I expected much more. You could get a normal Romanian culinary educated tour guide. All you showed is fake and horrible and untraditional (most of the time). You missed to show all the millions of vegetarian dishes and kosher dishes and you also missed that the kosher kitchen has a very much originated in Romania. Instead we show dead pig heads most of your show. If it was a freak in that place it was you and your friend. 2 outsiders came in a nice place one more stupid than the other and transform it into something with some journalistic facts put in very unfriendly terms. You could have seen so much traditional food in Bucharest. Each region specific with so many soups so many others dished that as a culinary expert I guess you will never taste. You disappointed so many people that where expecting a great show. my boyfriend, that is not Romanian specially made sure for weeks that I am going to watch because the great Anthony Bordain will be fantastic, Shame on you, as a journalist, human been, culinary expert and tourist, Anthony Bordain, if you where close by I would have punch you in the nose and I am only a very gentle woman, doctor. What a joke of a man with a job badly done! The reason I came to America is because this country is honest and fair and have some how a way to repair itself in its own systems. I love you guys. You are great! But Bordain sucks badly! The only good think I can thing of, coming out of the terrible misleading show in Romanian, is that is broad out so many Romanians together in indignation. Why don't we get together and have parties and enjoy our great cuisine and dance the hora. How about to meet in any Romanian Restaurant in USA, in each of our cities. Why don't we meet on 1st of March on "MARTISOR" woman’s day Saturday night? And celebrate our food and dance
  24. 24
    Anonim - February 26 2008 @ 3:34 am Tony, I am a Romanian living in the US and I waited your show on the country. Please understand that the comment above is not ill-intended. What you did is use "Russian" too much. The Russian guide, the reference to Russian land. You are continuing some misunderstandings in the western world that are simply not true. That pissed me off and if your comrad would have had any common sense he would have known that he had no place in your show. The Russian subject is very sensitive for Romanians and touches very sensitive strings. The first half of your show was a total mess. The second half was better, maybe due to the fact that Zamir got too drunk to speak(Thank God!). I have to appreciate your humor who saved some of his stupid moments and ideas.
  25. 25
    Amaranta - February 26 2008 @ 1:30 pm Dear Romanian Komrades: As I watched last night's show, it was abundantly clear to me that Tony's skin was crawling at every successive freakish lurch Zamir made. I don't think he's clueless about how things went down. It's a travelogue, and if I were him (which, sadly, I'm not) I probably wouldn't have the patience (or the budget -- this is basic cable, folks) to go back and re-research, re-map and re-film an entire trip. Was it the best show ever? Maybe not. But it was pretty %$#@ing hilarious, even if at the expense and total discomfort of Tony -- especially that Halloween party scene. Ouch. Tony, I send you many wet kisses and Scotch.
  26. 26
    Dave - February 26 2008 @ 4:29 pm I can't believe I missed it!!
  27. 27
    Alex - February 26 2008 @ 10:14 pm Hi Tony, Yes I caught the episode on Romania...not one of the finest ones...but gotta love your drunken comrade Zamir. hope is back is ok. Ah, the SOBE Food and Wine fest..I attended hmm... about five years ago or so..can't recall..I had just returned from a trip to Thailand and we chatted a bit about my culinary adventures in Bangkok...eating all sorts of funky stuff. I had a pic of the two of us...or alteast I thought I did. I got the film developed and all that came out was my mom's thumbprint...crap! Lucky for me I had a chance to meet with you again when you vivsted San Francisco...I am putting together my video clip for you to check out and would love to travel with you. Always a treat to catch you on the tube and I have read all your books..actually left my copy of "A Cooks Tour" in Chiang Mai...left it to some hottie rugby player I met while on my ventures.
  28. 28
    John - February 27 2008 @ 1:48 am Given the coverage in the blogosphere, I think there's actually a lot of people who would have liked to have attended. On an unrelated note, what is with the tiny font size?
  29. 29
    Ressa - February 27 2008 @ 12:19 pm I hope I can go next year and that you will be there. It was totally sold out and I live in the flippin state!
  30. 30
    Timo - February 29 2008 @ 4:05 pm Mister Anthony you funny man. I will be seeing much you do On television broadcasting machine. If I was anywhere near an event such as your so called Golden Clogs I would be there with my shoes on. Snarky Cynical humor is my way too. Thousand greetings from desert land of my home.
  31. 31
    Derek Johnson - March 01 2008 @ 4:33 pm "crackhead rodeo clowns", sounds like a great Roger Corman film! You are the best.
  32. 32
    Jas - March 03 2008 @ 11:33 pm Hey Tony! We met you at the SoBe wine and food festival last weekend and we had you sign Kitchen Confidential for us. I just started reading it to be honest, and Im sooo glad that its actually good! (yes, thats surprise..) It wouldve sucked to have you sign a book that was just going to sit on the shelf or worse yet end up on ebay, unread and unloved. So "yay!". But I digress. The best "award" that you gave out would have to be the "Worst Career Decision" Award that went to Tyler Florence for endorsing Applebees!! hahaha.. But we all know who REALLY shouldve gotten that award. All I have to say is "Yumm-o".
  33. 33
    Heatherfeather - March 05 2008 @ 12:05 am Hey, Tony- I realize you've decided not to smoke anymore. Good for you, sweetheart, but as my father always told me: "Nobody likes a quitter." Hehehe.... ...ahh, Who am I kidding? I'm a dirty smoker, too. AND I LOVE IT.... ...which is why I'm not ready and I guess that's what makes you a stronger person than me. Maybe I'll quit when I'm fifty(ish), too. March on, Cuisine Soldier. -Heather F.
  34. 34
    charles webster baer - March 07 2008 @ 2:49 pm tony is grrrrrrrrrrreat
  35. 35
    Cynthia - March 17 2008 @ 6:53 pm Well, at least those of us who work with Michael Nagrant on Hungry Magazine where psyched about the awards. And we think you're right -- Michael does "get" it. Thanks for the nod in his direction. He deserves it.
  36. 36
    Carmen - April 10 2008 @ 8:11 pm SOUTH BEACH DIET... did I hear? I started the SOUTH BEACH DIET like some many others... but I realized I DON'T HAVE DIABETES... se la vie! Scrap that one. Anyway, the trip to the beach? I think this is the only one I have not seen. I can say that since starting this "love affair" with Mr. Bourdain and his suicidalmissions... SMOKER's Relief... Alki Divine... etcetera, etcetera; a little reflectionon my own leaves me craving for my own develments. Maybe I'll start drinking wine! One can drown in tea and too much soda can't they? And all that raw food... I mean it's got to be sexy... right? I mean this man's pretext of innocence is played by one who would steam roll a 10 year old on ice. It leaves me gasping for my own......
  37. 37
    Carmen - April 11 2008 @ 7:29 am Tony's going to get me out of my shell... a twenty year shell of widowry and doing nothing. I... I might even get to geing "Baaaaad!"
  38. 38
    Carmen - April 25 2008 @ 9:31 pm DEAR TONY... I knnow... traditionally this should be a "dear john", but...we know you and not John, huh? Anyway, the food and groove thing seems to be a living for you. Wine and song.. and now me.. some dang woman! (smile) Just so those guys don't get to ya thru your belly, try this suggestion (milk thistle (particularly silymarin) protect the liver from damage caused by viruses, toxins, alcohol, and certain drugs such as acetaminophen (a common over the counter medication used for headaches and pain; acetaminophen, also called paracetamol, can cause liver damage if taken in large quantities or by people who drink alcohol regularly.)... and let us see you for much longer. I look at what you inhale from some of those dinner tables and think of my own worst meal... some kind of bird leftovers held in the freezer of a cl&%$mate/neighbor.. (boyfriend of another neighbor on campus) from Nigeria during tight times on campus. We made soup from his bird peices and my dried legumes!... and ketchup from McDonalds leftover condiment jar.
  39. 39
    Carmen - April 27 2008 @ 9:42 pm ....errr uhh' before you get that next >hiccup< out, coutesies on the WINE and DINE group ... Mr Zimmer... booted me for owning up to being your fan! so there
  40. 40
    Carmen - May 24 2008 @ 12:06 pm LIVING AMONG US... in the COMMUNITY WORKING AT ANY STATE FACILITY for the developmentally disabled requires astute decorum where clientele/patients are concerned. The behaviors and images of those we took care of while they resided within the properties of the state were not revealed to the general public. By doing that, the public remained unaware of the existence of anyone or anything "different" in their midst. Tinley Park, Jacksonville, several locations in the city of Chicago... all hold populations of persons who sewl on public welfare at the discern of the public funding agencies. In other words, we pay for their upkeep and existence... safety, housing .. their everything EXCEPT where family members provide a stipend. What's my point? I no longer work at the state center for the mentally retarded and have no ethical responsibilities in that regard. I do, however, respect an individual's right to life.... especailly once it has been preserved for so long. If they are living among us... why tease or har***them? Like I said... I don't work at Tinley Park's ...W.A. HOWE CENTER for the developmentally disabled and didn't take the job at McFarland Center for the mentally ill in Springfield.... but I don't har***the people who live there.. nor my old co-workers. ... Now that would be someplace to visit.. and rationalize your existence... Tony
  41. 41
    Lara Starr - June 11 2008 @ 10:37 pm Ok, so I'm a little late to the game seeing as the Golden Clogs were in Feb and here is is June, but when I read the "Worst Career Move" award for Tyler Florence I had to laugh - here in snooty Marin County, Chef Florence has designed the menu for a pricey children's day camp: http://www.steveandkatescamp.com/cuisine.html Good career move?
  42. 42
    easywriter - June 21 2008 @ 8:51 pm It is summer, and both my stove and oven went kaput today. Fine. So I tuned into FN and witnessed the shockingly dull "Next FN Star." I find myself struck by the inflated egos and luckluster lines of Bob and his FN cohort with the forgettable name who suffers from terminally big hair. And I even felt sorry for Robert Irvine in his appearance. Ah, gee... compared to Bob and big haired lady, I'd watch Robert Irvine with his hilariously padded resume anyday. Golden clogs? I think one to the big haired lady is warranted next year for most consistent hair disaster.
  43. 43
    chat - November 18 2008 @ 9:06 pm

    Thanks

  44. 44
    sohbet - December 20 2008 @ 4:44 pm

    good work. thank you

  45. 46
    Jonathan Stark - January 19 2009 @ 11:14 pm

    Rocco di Spirito would go to the opening of an envelope. Ballsy, my ***.

  46. 47
    buy new music - August 01 2009 @ 11:12 am

    I thought that you are interested in all the interviews we have on our site with Harvey Pekar .. He speaks a little 'about the episode was done with him in Cleveland, and he thought you were really a great man ... Harvey is a huge person, if he said that about you, it must be the truth ...

  47. 48
    list of films - August 20 2009 @ 5:27 pm

    Profanity, beaches and alcohol - so many reasons I wish I could be in Miami ... I am really happy Ruhlman's "scope of a Chef" too. With two such talented writers who submitted to bring the audience does not need a thesaurus?

  48. 49
    hanimin ciftligi izle - October 10 2009 @ 7:24 am

    Hey, Tony. Travel alone is lonely. You should get a girlfriend.

  49. 50
    Cable cutter - October 27 2009 @ 5:21 am

    that makes sense lol

  50. 51
    job search - October 28 2009 @ 12:19 am

    So many reason I wish I could be in Miami...

    job search


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Anthony Bourdain

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Anthony Bourdain is a 28-year veteran of professional kitchens, having worked as a dishwasher, line cook and chef in places good, bad and horrible -- most of them in New York City. Read Anthony Bourdain's full biography.


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