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Past Imperfect/Future Shock

By Anthony Bourdain on March 10, 2008 10:47 PM | Permalink | 515 Comments

There's usually a moment when we're shooting, most often near the end of a long meal. The crew has all the shots they need: plenty of "content" (meaning me, babbling about the food--and someone local, who presumably knows what we're eating, describing it), lots of long, lingering "food porn" close-ups, plenty of footage of kitchen prep (which Todd arrived hours earlier to get) and final assembly. As an exhausted silence settles over the table, well into my cups, I'll look straight at camera and sarcastically say, in my most unctuous, television "host-sums-up" voice, " So....What have we learned today?" This is a cue to producer and shooters that I'm fucking DONE. That it's time to "get some wides", meaning, the crew steps way back and shoots some generic "wide shots" from a distance. Audio is no longer a factor in these , so the mikes come off and those of us at the table can pretty much forget about the cameras, and act naturally, secure in the knowledge that the presumed "working" part of the day is almost over.

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Past Imperfect/Future Shock

Adventures in the Ad Trade

By Anthony Bourdain on February 28, 2008 10:43 PM | Permalink | 178 Comments

You have to wonder about an ad depicting a dead squirrel--with the caption "Some Things Look Better In HD." Which is pretty much what the geniuses at Travel Promo have subjected innocent members of the public to.

Actually, it was worse: An old photo of yours truly -- after a horrifying night of drinking in Iceland, huddled, near naked in the Blue Lagoon, pondering whether to throw up or simply sink beneath the surface and die.

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Adventures in the Ad Trade

Day Three: The Aftermath

By Anthony Bourdain on February 24, 2008 10:35 PM | Permalink | 86 Comments

"Poor Ruhlman," says my wife, for about the twelfth time today. Michael has just shown her the result of her boxing demo on Friday night; a large, dark purple bruise running from his shoulder to his elbow. A truly gasp-inducing injury. As Mrs. Ruhlman forgivingly pointed out, it was perhaps not such a good idea to suggest--after receiving one playful poke--that my wife "give it her best shot." She's been taking boxing AND mixed martial arts classes nearly every day for six months and I told Ruhlman that both her left hook and right cross can knock you out. Did he listen?

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Day Three: The Aftermath

Day Two: South Beach Wine and Food Festival

By Anthony Bourdain on February 23, 2008 10:33 PM | Permalink | 51 Comments

Well ... the Golden Clogs went pretty much as hoped by the Forces of Evil. Under-attended. Coincidence? Or conspiracy? Many of the people who DID show up were either a) drunk or b) seemingly confused. Ruhlman and I raced through our ceremonial duties as quickly as we could--before the little remaining gold paint left on our awards peeled entirely away--and before a good part of the audience realized we were NOT the warm up to "Paula's Poker Party" and that there would be no free fruit cup.

You know, I've mercilessly and enthusiastically made sport of Rocco di Spirito many, many times. I've said--and accused him--of a full menu of truly awful things. Some of them were even true. No matter how bizarre or inexplicable some of his career choices, I always respected him as a gifted cook. He's also--when not flogging frozen products--a thoughtful and insightful judge on Top Chef. But I have to tell you--of ALL the chefs who said they were absolutely, positively, by all means would be DELIGHTED to show up at our travesty of an awards ceremony--at the end of the day, only Rocco and Aaron Sanchez actually made it.

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Day Two: South Beach Wine and Food Festival

Dateline: Miami - The South Beach Wine and Food Festival

By Anthony Bourdain on February 22, 2008 10:29 PM | Permalink | 48 Comments

Reporting it As It Happens: your humble correspondent, Anthony Bourdain:

Day One:

Ruhlman showed up late for our all-important preparatory session for the Golden Clog Awards Ceremony last night, by which time I was deep into the negronis. I have only the dimmest of memories of who, exactly, is nominated for what--and NO memory at all of who's supposed to win. I think we ended up deciding on making half of it up as we go along--mid-ceremony. Our "celebrity presenters" have--for the most part, abandoned us for safer pastures.

There has been, I am reliably informed, a terror campaign of late night heavy--breathing phone calls, suggestions of "you'll never work in this town--or ANY town--again" and a wave of second, more sensible thoughts. The affected parties have suddenly remembered previous charitable commitments: (The "Putt For and End to the Heartbreak of Psoriasis" Invitational, the "Pull My Finger To Stop Chronic Flatulence" Bowlin' and BBQ Party--and the Fiji Water For Peace event claiming the lion's share of defectors). Can't say I blame them ...

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Dateline: Miami - The South Beach Wine and Food Festival