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Alternate Universe

By Anthony Bourdain on October 27, 2009 12:05 PM | Permalink | 69 Comments

There seems to be some understandable confusion with the announcement of our upcoming "web series", ALTERNATE UNIVERSE. Reactions varying between "WTF!!??" and " This time he's jumped the shark for sure." While shark jumping is always a danger--particularly since me and my partners take a perverse delight in flirting with just that with every new outrage (The family friendly Sardinia show being an example of a profoundly risky rub up against 'off-brand,' late-era Fonzarelli), these dark, nasty, frequently foul TWO MINUTE LONG web extras are not a replacement for NO RESERVATIONS. They are not a pilot for some new, family friendly, watered down follow on. They are instead brief, often violent, alt versions of NO RES--representing things we could never have done on the actual show-or the way things should have gone on the show--or animated acknowledgments of what already went terribly wrong on the show. Or, for example, my take on the network's "Travel Bug" promo campaign--about which I was, shall we say...dubious.

They'll appear on the fan site--for those who wish to click on them. I wrote the damn things--so there's nobody to blame but me if they're not as quick, nasty--and funny as I think they are. And I want to thank Andrew Zimmern and Samantha Brown in advance--for their extraordinarily good humored participation in one particularly lurid episode. I hope we don't freak out their fan base.

Alternate Universe

Past Imperfect/Future Shock

By Anthony Bourdain on March 10, 2008 10:47 PM | Permalink | 515 Comments

There's usually a moment when we're shooting, most often near the end of a long meal. The crew has all the shots they need: plenty of "content" (meaning me, babbling about the food--and someone local, who presumably knows what we're eating, describing it), lots of long, lingering "food porn" close-ups, plenty of footage of kitchen prep (which Todd arrived hours earlier to get) and final assembly. As an exhausted silence settles over the table, well into my cups, I'll look straight at camera and sarcastically say, in my most unctuous, television "host-sums-up" voice, " So....What have we learned today?" This is a cue to producer and shooters that I'm fucking DONE. That it's time to "get some wides", meaning, the crew steps way back and shoots some generic "wide shots" from a distance. Audio is no longer a factor in these , so the mikes come off and those of us at the table can pretty much forget about the cameras, and act naturally, secure in the knowledge that the presumed "working" part of the day is almost over.

Continue Reading Past Imperfect/Future Shock.

Past Imperfect/Future Shock

Adventures in the Ad Trade

By Anthony Bourdain on February 28, 2008 10:43 PM | Permalink | 178 Comments

You have to wonder about an ad depicting a dead squirrel--with the caption "Some Things Look Better In HD." Which is pretty much what the geniuses at Travel Promo have subjected innocent members of the public to.

Actually, it was worse: An old photo of yours truly -- after a horrifying night of drinking in Iceland, huddled, near naked in the Blue Lagoon, pondering whether to throw up or simply sink beneath the surface and die.

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Adventures in the Ad Trade

Romania: What the hell happened??

By Anthony Bourdain on February 26, 2008 5:08 PM | Permalink | 2096 Comments

Predictably, a lot of people either hated--or were deeply offended by--the Romania show. Most, I gather, are either Romanian or have traveled to Romania and had a better time there than I did. Quite understandably, no one wants to see the host of a travel show having a bad time of it in their country, griping miserably about how things went wrong--and how utterly fucked up things were.

But the fact is:

Things WERE fucked up. My Russian pal, Zamir, who had helped make such good shows in Russia and Uzbekistan, was definitely NOT a good choice to show me around Romania. I think, if nothing else, we made that explicitly clear.

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Romania: What the hell happened??

Day Three: The Aftermath

By Anthony Bourdain on February 24, 2008 10:35 PM | Permalink | 86 Comments

"Poor Ruhlman," says my wife, for about the twelfth time today. Michael has just shown her the result of her boxing demo on Friday night; a large, dark purple bruise running from his shoulder to his elbow. A truly gasp-inducing injury. As Mrs. Ruhlman forgivingly pointed out, it was perhaps not such a good idea to suggest--after receiving one playful poke--that my wife "give it her best shot." She's been taking boxing AND mixed martial arts classes nearly every day for six months and I told Ruhlman that both her left hook and right cross can knock you out. Did he listen?

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Day Three: The Aftermath